Listening to: Atmosphere [tobyMac]
It’s terrible that soon after I begin a blog, I already slack off for about two weeks; my apologies >.< But that’s what this post is about…a bit of why I was absent for two weeks.
One of my biggest weaknesses is a fear of no stability and uncertainty. I thrive in environments of security, stability and familiarity, and I can do change, flexibility and spontaneity – I can! So long as there’s a safety net of stability to come back to afterwards (>_>) Well, this month, in one big area of my life (which has the potential to affect several other areas) my security and stability disintegrated and in the past week, the strategically placed safety nets were cut down. One. By. One. I am currently free-falling through my biggest fear – extreme uncertainty.
I was at a pretty low low today, at least for me. Think fetal-position-under-blanket-asking-God-why type low; there might have been tears (and I don’t cry, I really don’t). A whole pile of laundry that needed to be put away was all bundled beside me on the bed because I could not find the lift to get up and do anything at that moment. Then a thought floated in and sat in my mind (and it wasn’t me trying to encourage myself because I wasn’t capable of that at that time),
“Now that it’s completely out of your control, there will be absolutely no doubt about who made it happen this time.”
God’s voice? God bringing back testimonies of others back to mind? I don’t even know, but I do know, that thought caressed me out of my funk. Did I feel peppy and fancy free after that? No; but I was strengthened enough to do the tasks I needed to complete this evening and comforted enough to regain some confidence that the situation can turn out for the best. It felt like God entered my atmosphere and said just what I needed to hear to keep me out of despair.
TobyMac captures the essence of an experience like that in his song Atmosphere, off his Welcome to Diverse City album. This song is one of my favourite tobyMac songs; I think it’s one of his absolute best, but the reason was always arrangement-centric (isn’t it always?) Gorgeous acoustic guitar picks, a dream-smooth progression and a great groove of a bass line (and then there’s the remix with the rest of dc Talk on it…all of the above but with Tait and Kevin Max vocals all in there~*~*~*~*~). But, to think I’ve only just now gotten the lyrics…
“…’cuz words can’t describe what you’ve been feeling inside, it’s like thousand-foot walls and they’re still on the rise but LOOK UP, to a beautiful sound and see for yourself you’re not that far down and know this, I cannot love a little. My promise to you is unconditional.”
In the middle of your frantic, downward spiral into despondency, there’s a voice trying to snap you out of it…but gently; kinda like a concerned friend who grabs your face, cups your cheeks and brings your focus back to where it should be to keep you from totally losing it! That’s what is outlined in this first verse – in the entire song actually and that’s what happened to me this evening. I love how the arrangement sounds like what gentle, loving encouragement from a powerful, credible friend, would sound like in music form.
I got a reminder that at the end of all this chaos, is hope, stronger faith and a killer testimony that will then, help somebody else out.
I will try to make sure I share that testimony here first 😉
TL;DR – It’s somehow an amazing feeling when in the middle of confusion and what could be the start of hopelessness, you get a loving nudge of comfort from God, and a word to snap you out of it. He moves into your Atmosphere and reminds you that all you need to do is “just turn around” from the current mess and look for Him. He’ll be there. He cannot love just a little and His promises to you are still valid. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13 Oh. Check out Tobymac’s Atmosphere. It’ll make your soul feel good and your ears happy.
P.S. – That verse in the TL;DR was Bible Gateway’s verse of the day…I did not check the verse of the day out until after I wrote the main body of the post. Guess I’m doing something right here.