Existing and imaginary fanbase/readers, hello! Been a minute since I posted something and I am DETERMINED not to let this blog die due to laziness and/or my life not being intriguing enough to blog about.
So, in no way has this year been as ridiculously stressful as last year, thank God. I actually don’t know whether that is due to growing in faith from last year, or circumstances being a bit easier, but whatever it is, it’s been a significantly more decent year thus far. As far as I was concerned, things were settled a bit more and while nothing spectacular was going on, I was taking steps towards an actual future…underdeveloped baby steps, but steps nonetheless. I was so thankful for the direction things seemed to have been heading in this, the early part of the year—
BUT IT’S NEVER THAT EASY! Chaos started to ensue with, get this, people around me. Several people I knew lost their jobs, people very close to me and vital to things I was involved with, were unsure of whether they would stay here in Cayman (much like I was unsure last year), my mom had a sudden, crippling sciatic nerve issue, causing her to be almost completely immobile for a bit which made me have to assume a nurse role lol, other new concerns for my brother and father were now here to be dealt with, and uncertainty loomed about almost everyone and everything associated with me, as much as it had haunted my own life. “What is going on?”, I kept asking…why can’t I find decent footing and why is it that when I maybe could possibly eventually gain footing, the process becomes 10x harder because emotionally, everyone around me is losing their footing and desperately grasping around to re-stabilise their lives? Whatever little areas of comfort that I seemed to have, via my friends and family, were now being threatened.
I was tired. I am tired. I can see where everyone else is also getting tired.
Trading punches with the heart of darkness
Going to blows with your fear incarnate
Never gone until it’s stripped away
A part of you has gotta die to change
In the morning you gon’ need an answer
Ain’t nobody gonna change the standard
It’s not enough to just feel the flame
You’ve gotta burn your old self away
Bear Rinehart sings this first verse on NEEDTOBREATHE’S Hard Love, and well…this is it. I like to fancy myself smart, but if I really was, I’d be paying close attention to what I should be learning from this, just as everyone else currently going through all the fog should be paying attention. God needs us to learn something, He needs us to develop some things, He needs us to become who we are supposed to become and my guess is that, my 5 point planned life that was mapped out in my (and probably your) head, wasn’t gonna do squat in terms of grooming and training me.
Hold on tight a little longer
What don’t kill ya, makes ya stronger
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love
You can’t change without a fallout
It’s gon’ hurt, but don’t you slow down
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love
A Hard Love. Our Heavenly Father/Coach keeps looking at His lazy bunch of punks who have this massive purpose to accomplish and I can imagine a training montage much like the “I’ll make a man out of you” number in Mulan…except God isn’t Shang; He’s not going to get discouraged until one determined soldier shows promise. He controls all and wants what’s best for all, which means He will keep the training going until we become ready for whatever we will need to be ready for in the future that only He knows.
You know the situation can’t be right
And all you ever do is fight
But there’s a reason that the road is long
It take some time to make your courage strong
Lauren Daigle adds her verse and solidifies the training premise of the song. The process is long because that’s what it takes for us stubborn children to learn the character traits we need to have, comfort and constantly smooth transitions are not gonna develop those traits in us at all. Muscles need to be pressured and end up in pain to get strong and unfortunately, so do we.
The good part is that we’re not left without comfort in our minds and hearts; and if we take our focus off ourselves and trust God (and “trust the process” as my bf keeps quoting to me) we’d go through all this with a much better disposition…heck, just writing this has made my foul, selfish mood change from what it was on the first word! Can you see or feel the difference? Yes? Maybe? Lol.
TL;DR – Life can be hard! Sometimes it’s hard for you personally; sometimes it’s hard for you because it’s hard for those close to you. It can get overwhelming, but what we need to do is gather all we can from the experience and get stronger – cliche but true. God has to dispense Hard Love to get us on the path we need to be on because comfortable love…doesn’t really work effectively (all the time) lol! Hard Love is absolutely amazing by the way, you gotta check it out (NEEDTOBREATHE alone, NEEDTOBREATHE and Lauren Daigle or NEEDTOBREATHE and Andra Day or NEEDTOBREATHE and Serena Ryder…no matter what the sangin style, it’s still good!)